In this video, San Francisco psychiatrist Dr. Eric Bender answers real parenting questions with practical, developmentally grounded guidance. He covers why toddlers say “no,” what a child’s parent preference can mean, how to respond to big emotions, and how families can think about phones and social media without turning it into a constant battle.

Episode Highlights

In this Q and A segment, Dr. Bender offers realistic, day to day strategies for common parenting stress points. The focus is on helping kids feel safe and supported while still building structure, boundaries, and emotional resilience.

• Why toddlers say “no” and how it is a normal part of learning autonomy

• How to reduce power struggles by offering simple choices and consistent limits

• Tantrums and big feelings: when to comfort, when to pause, and how to focus on safety

• A child’s parent preference: why it happens, what it does and does not mean, and how to respond

• “Special time” and family routines that help kids feel secure and connected

• Phones and social media: delaying access when possible and setting clear family rules early

Key Takeaways

• “No” is often a developmental milestone, not a sign that you are doing something wrong

• Choices create cooperation by giving kids age appropriate control within firm limits

• During tantrums, your job is calm presence and safety, not winning the argument

• A child’s parent preference is usually about comfort, routines, and roles, not about love

• Consistency matters most when parents are a united front with predictable expectations

• Social media works best as a gradual, rule based privilege with ongoing conversations

Quick Answers

Why does my two year old say “no” to everything?

At this age, kids have very little control, so “no” is one of the first ways they practice autonomy. It is frustrating, but it is also common and expected.

What is a simple way to reduce power struggles?

Offer limited options that both work for you. For example: “Teeth now or in two minutes?” or “Mom helps or Dad helps?” The boundary stays the same, but the child gets a sense of choice.

My child prefers one parent. Does that mean they love the other parent less?

Usually no. Preference can reflect who the child spends the most time with, who feels most predictable, or who plays a certain role (comfort parent vs disciplinarian). It is often a phase.

What should I do when my child says “I hate you”?

Stay steady. You can respond with something like, “That’s okay. I’m still here.” This communicates that big feelings do not break the relationship.

When should kids get social media?

Delay as long as possible, since there is evidence that at higher levels of use, social media can negatively affect mood. If a child does get access, clear family rules and ongoing conversations are important.

Learn More

Dr. Eric Bender is a San Francisco psychiatrist and psychotherapist who works with children, teens, adults, and couples. His clinical practice is psychotherapy focused, and he integrates medication when it is a supportive part of ongoing therapy (not as a standalone service). He offers in-person sessions in San Francisco and virtual sessions for patients located in California, New York, and Florida. Contact Dr. Bender to ask about availability and whether his practice may be a fit for you.